*read all of the chapters for Swipe Right – The Chronicles of an Unpaid Prostitute in order here
‘When are you coming home next? Your grandmother is driving me crazy – next time you’re here we need to rearrange the living room furniture.’
My mom was always changing something in her house. Every room had been redone, a silent effort to erase every part of my father in every nook and cranny. I had to give her props, what she’d done was beautiful and I had to admit I liked the current version of our home better than it had ever been. ‘Okay, why are we rearranging furniture?’ I replied.
‘It doesn’t have any fen sway going on’ she typed back with the praying emoji.
‘I see… need some of that fen sway around… or some Feng Shui – either one works.’
‘Don’t come at me with that negative energy. You knew what I meant, don’t be an asshole about it.’
I laughed. ‘Love you, Mom.’
‘Love you more.’
I looked through the peephole at who was knocking on my door. “Password,” I demanded. Beth held up a bottle of wine. I opened the door.
Sitting on the couch, Beth turned to Jamie and I. “I have a really good idea for tonight.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Two words. Lesbian. Bar.”
I laughed. “Hey, I’m open minded.”
“Isn’t that the truth,” Jamie mumbled under her breath.
“Okay Glass House, thanks for your opinion.”
“Glass house? What have you been getting into, Jamie? Or should I ask who?” Beth asked, wagging her eyebrows.
“Yes Jamie, please tell us,” I teased. I looked at the invisible watch on my wrist. “Is it time to take your pills yet?”
“Oh!” Beth started. “Are we playing the Guess Your STI game? Is it one word or two? Permanent or no?” I laughed at her rapid fire questions.
“It’s not charades!” Jamie yelled before throwing a pillow at us and going to her room.
I turned to look at Beth who was inadvertently still playing. “One word, not permanent,” I finally answered.
“Chlamydia,” she guessed with confidence.
“Got it in one.”
“Yasss.” She high-fived my outstretched hand. “That was a fun game,” she mused, sipping her wine.
“Agreed, we should go to Hasbro with that shit.” We both laughed.
“So, lesbian bar?”
“Lesbian bar,” I agreed after considering the options. Maybe I could be with a girl, maybe there was a little lesbian inside of me – we’d find out at the end of the night (ba dum tss). Jamie passed, deciding to sulk at home.
In conclusion, lesbian bars were awesome. I was having the best time as Beth and I danced the night away. I saw her smile at the same time I felt hands come around my waist from behind. The girl moved her hips with mine as we swayed to the beat. When the song ended, I turned around realized how pretty she was. “Can I buy you a drink?” she asked, leaning in to speak over the music. And let’s be honest, I wasn’t one to turn down a drink.
We’d taken two shots at the bar before she leaned in and kissed me. I kissed her back, her lips soft, her tongue greedy. And I felt nothing. “I’m sorry,” I said, pulling away. I looked around and couldn’t see Beth anywhere. “I am so not a lesbian.”
“You sound disappointed,” she said, smiling.
“I am. I wanted to come here and try something different and I’m so sorry if I led you on. I thought, I don’t know what I thought. I’m an asshole.”
She had the decency to laugh, “You’re not an asshole. I get it.”
“Do you? I almost wish this wasn’t how I felt, you’re so hot and nice and you just don’t have a penis.”
“That I do not.”
“I really like penises,” I admitted.
“Come on, your turn to buy the drinks. You can be my wing-woman.”
“Done! I have a friend you know, she’s a lesbian. Well, she’s at least bi.”
It was the big launch for Ben’s company. I couldn’t remember ever been so stressed in my life. I needed everything to go well otherwise I would never be able to show my face again. I would need to find a cave and become a troglodyte.
It had been a long day and thankfully the campaign received a great response. Success! By the time I left the office, it had grown dark and I just wanted to fall into bed. I waved at the night security guard on my way out when I stopped at the sight of the black car sitting at curb. The door opened ominously and I felt like I was suddenly in Pretty Woman. Ben stepped out.
“What are you doing here?” I asked with a surprised smile.
“I was hoping we could grab a celebratory drink.”
“How long have you been waiting out here?”
“A while,” he admitted.
“Why didn’t you come upstairs?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt, plus I had some things to take care of anyways.” I didn’t know what to say so like an idiot, I twiddled with my fingers in front of me. “So, drinks?” he repeated.
*tomorrow – Chapter Eighteen